I’m still on vacation. The timing is convenient because I just moved into my new apartment and furniture has been being delivered all week. I did some light shopping for all the things I threw away from my last place. I’ve been fairly productive up until yesterday.
I slept longer than I intended due to having such an awful day and not being mentally prepared to do it all over again. It wasn’t a wholesome sleep and I don’t feel rested. I was tossing and turning, up every few hours and having very vivid dreams of the one person I was trying to escape. The last dream before I finally woke up was particularly strange. I’m going to write it entirely from memory.
I was witnessing police brutality on a fairly quiet street in what I assume was a suburban city around where I live. It was mainly just one really violent cop using way too much force on the young couple he was arresting. Two of my friends and I stood by, somewhat afraid to move, in a state of shock. Two of the officers even seemed surprised at the other’s behavior, but still they did nothing. Then the most aggressive of the three approached an innocent bystander, gave him a quick look and began yelling. “Is this funny? What are you looking at? You wanna get arrested too huh boy?” the man had pure fear in his eyes, “No please I don’t want any trouble!” he yelled back. The officer laughed, looked at the men behind him, turned back around and shot him in the arm with a tranquilizer gun. Down he went right against the concrete curb. My heart started to race uncontrollably and as I looked to my right my friends were running off. Before I even had time to think about leaving the trigger happy tall standing dark haired cop was about 4 feet from me, staring directly into my eyes. “Is there a problem young lady?” he said in a sinister tone, “Don’t know how to mind your fucking business?” I felt my eyes well up with tears and tried my hardest to muster a loud and firm “No, please don’t” but I wasn’t successful. You know that feeling of anticipation before you get hurt? Your body braces itself, you tense up – it even happens to me before I get a routine shot. I clenched my entire body and then it hit, he fucking shot me with the tranquilizer gun, a dart with a red feather sticking out of my arm. He began to laugh and everything got woozy, I wanted desperately to run away but I was getting increasingly weak. Then I fell to the ground and his muffled laughter was echoing through the sky and ringing back and forth between my ears. I wasn’t fully knocked out. Maybe I weigh too much, I thought. After they stuffed the others in the cruiser the officer who shot me came over and kicked me to see if I was out. By reflex, my eyes opened a little and I twitched. “She’s fucking awake!” he yelled amusedly to the others. “It’s time to go to sleep there sweetie” he said with an evil grin before he fired another shot into my leg. I saw black.
Upon regaining slight consciousness I noticed I was anywhere but a police station. Why had they chosen to not arrest me? What was the point of knocking me out? They brought me to what I thought was a newer looking lake house. I was so out of it everything was blotchy and I was only somewhat conscious. I could barely control my eyes let alone any other normal motor functions. There they were, all three of the cops from before. How many hours had it been? Where was everyone else? When we were on the street it was light out, and I could see now outside the windows that it was pitch black. Two of the cops wandered around and one of the nicer looking, handsome blonde ones threw me over his shoulder. “I’ve got this one” he told the others. I don’t know where they went, but the blonde cop took me outside. It was raining slightly, not a lot. He took me into the bed of a pickup truck, laid me down gently and made sure his hand was behind my head lest it smash against the metal. Please be nice, I prayed repeatedly over in my head, please don’t hurt me, please let me sleep. And then I could see him zone in on me with these sick pathetic eyes. He touched my breasts, and stuck his tongue completely down my throat until I gagged. “You’re so pretty Kristina, I’m gonna take care of you, I promise” he said softly. I felt tears stream down my cheeks, I was immobilized by the shot, but even more so by his words. I couldn’t fucking move my arms. And what was the point? Why struggle to get free or defend myself when I was partially sedated, couldn’t run, and there were two other cops standing by that would catch me immediately. He pulled down his pants, covered my mouth with his sweaty hand so I could taste the salt, and inserted himself into me. I cried silently just praying it would be over soon. It wasn’t long but it felt like a lifetime. He finished and kissed me saying “You’re welcome baby girl, you’re welcome.”
After the incident I blacked out completely. Probably from shock or trauma, or a combination of the two. When I finally woke up fully conscious it was light out again and we were outside the station. The cops weren’t there. I wasn’t restrained or wearing cuffs or anything. They must’ve walked off for a second and no one stood guard to make sure I didn’t wake up. I didn’t even think, I went into pure survival mode and I fucking sprinted. I had no idea where I was running or where I even was but I knew I needed to get to the nearest hospital. I already knew in my head that if they booked me, they would keep me in the cell for at least 24 hours, and I would not be able to prove I was raped by that one officer, for his semen traces would likely be gone. After that it would be all a matter of he said she said, and he was an attractive looking cop, why would he ever rape me? I remember running for miles, looking like a drugged up mental hospital escapist. I had a bruise on my arm from the first dart, probably one on my leg too but I didn’t have time to look. I just ran. I finally approached a small convenience store where I wanted to use their phone. Moments after I entered I looked up on the television and see my face. They were claiming I was on the run. I hadn’t even been booked yet and it had been less than half an hour since I escaped and there was a clear cut image of my face plastered on every news outlet. I looked at the register clerk with the most sincere plea, “Please don’t tell” I said, and in an instant I ran off.
Out of sheer intuition I had a feeling there were several places they would look for me first. My apartment, my father’s house, my job, my friend’s, etc. So I avoided those places. I was mainly concerned with getting to a hospital, because now that I was on tv I knew people would be less willing to help me. Despite my intuition, I went to my work. The people here know me, I thought, they will let me use a phone or someone will drive me to the hospital. I arrived and ran straight to the back, trying to find anyone who knew me. Shortly thereafter, sure as shit, the police were there. Asking anyone if they had seen me. I told everyone not to tell, that they were evil cops who had hurt me! I showed them the bruises, but even the people I knew looked hesitant to believe me. I looked like a crazy person. I felt like one too.
I waited it out in the bathroom, which to my luck someone lied and said “no one is in here.” They slowly filtered out, and I made my way to the front, up the stairs into the office, and ducked down immediately. I was crying, really feeling the pain now that I had regained complete feeling of my body. I looked up and saw my boss, “I think the police are looking for you, Kristina” I told him I knew, I explained the situation. I begged, I pleaded. “Please, if it’s the last thing you ever do for me, let me use this phone to call an ambulance.” he gave me his personal phone, told me the operator only speaks Spanish and to dial 57 promptly. I did, and they said they had no available ambulances to send out. What were the fucking odds. I handed him the phone, slumped further down on the floor, and wept. Knowing my window was nearing in for nabbing the cop who raped me. And now I was being actively pursued by these same guys. I was in big trouble, once they caught me, they were really gonna make me pay. My stomach turned and I continued to cry.
Then suddenly my boss grabbed my head and gently lifted it up, he gazed right into my eyes, “Are you telling me the truth, Kristina?” he asked intently. I nodded my head and barely whispered the words “I promise.” He looked around as if to make sure the coast was clear, grabbed his work coat and threw it over me, “Let’s go, quickly” he said. “Keep your head down, I don’t want anyone seeing you” So I did, we slipped out the back and he told me to wait there as he pulled his car around – the front of the store would draw too much attention. I was hesitant, part of me felt like I was being set up. I had the urge to run away again, but where? Where would I go? I’m wanted, and would be caught eventually. A few minutes went by and I saw his Mercedes pull around the corner. Relief swept my aching and sore body and I realized at this point I could barely walk anymore. My ability to sprint must have been pure adrenaline. “Where are we going?” I asked him as we took off. “I’m going to take you to the hospital myself.” he said heroically “I don’t think you’re lying, and I don’t think I could forgive myself if I turned you in and you got hurt again.” I started to softly cry. I didn’t say thank you, but he knew anyway. It was a beautiful bright sunny breezy day. Not a cloud in the sky. I was sweating in his coat. I kept it on anyway and laid my seat back as to not be seen, I closed my eyes for a brief moment.
He tapped lightly on my shoulder and I jerked upright in sheer terror. “It’s okay, it’s just me. We’re here” he said calmly. I looked up, and there we were, the emergency room entrance to the hospital. I wanted to run in so fast before anyone had the chance of capturing me again. I looked at him and said thank you. He offered to walk me in. My steps were shaky, my balance off, he held my right arm to keep me upright. Seemingly the longest walk ever though we weren’t parked far. He dropped me off at the door for reasons I understood. After all, I was being chased by the police. I didn’t want him to get in trouble after everything he had done. He gave me a sincere nod, looked both ways, and returned to his car. I was still wearing his coat, it just draped over my body like a blanket. It was early evening at this point, but the hospital didn’t look that busy. I moved in front of the automatic door, took a step, and I was in. One more door, and I would be inside the hospital. I took a deep breath, lifted my head and walked onto the cold hard tiles. I let the coat fall off my body and several people looked up at me. The room was silent. “Excuse me, I need a doctor” I said. As three nurses rushed over, one sat me down in a wheelchair. They wheeled me in the direction of the elevators, asking me questions the whole way. “What’s your name, date of birth, why are you here, is there a chance you are pregnant?” I looked up at the nurse as we approached the elevator, “I’m here because I was raped, I will tell you the rest later” and the door closed shut.